The Words You Use and Choose, Matter.

How many times have you avoided doing something, knowing it would be good for you….

Because it didn’t match or fit with who you see yourself as? Or you notice yourself doing something, not because you want to, but because you feel like it’s just part of who you are?

What if I said, certain things got you to here… they shaped who you are now. But are you who you need to be? Or are you holding yourself back, because of the words you use frequently?

The actions, words, personal preferences that got you here to this stage, won’t be part of the map that takes you in the direction of where you want to go. Growth is necessary. Which can mean moving away from an old identity.

Something that you used to resonate with.

It’s absolutely something I’m still working on- but I since I got my official ADHD diagnosis earlier this year I’ve been questioning a lot of the descriptions and language I used to use. These words, or things I would associate myself with, were always either damaging AF, self limiting or me blaming myself for things I couldn’t control. I also see these behaviours show up in my clients (especially if they’re neurodivergent or female). Because if it isn’t society putting them in a box, telling them who they should be or what they should act like, it’s themselves.

Women are VERY good at putting self limiting beliefs on ourselves.

“I’m just a mum. That’s just me now”.

“I’m the chubby friend; not the fit one”.

“I’m just a girl, I couldn’t lift that, it’s way too hard”.

“I’m known as the party girl. Always have been”.

“I’m the fit friend; fitness is my identity and I don’t know anything else.”

“Wow, I could never wear that, even if I’d love to be able to. I’m not confident”.

J-Law knows; it’s like the Hunger Games out there, we are savage.

For a long time, I have been known as the “fitness person”. With it being my work, hobbies, interests and a lot of my social circles being fitness related. I’ve had to actively and frequently challenge that, so as to remind myself I am allowed to be more than that. Or do something that doesn’t necessarily align with it.

Because whilst that may describe part of me, just being known as the fitness person, meant I was also missing out on more, for fear of losing that part of me. Worried about what people might think if I didn’t live up to those expectations and standards. I’d turn down social occasions, avoid certain foods, dodge saying yes to things that didn’t align with this identity I was upholding. But I began realising, this wasn’t serving me. I could absolutely be fit, active, healthy and known for that side of me. But I also needed other personalities, in order to thrive rather than just survive in this little bubble of the fitness industry.

Sometimes, an identity can hold you back. It puts you in a box.

It’s important to remember, these identities we latch on to aren’t always bad things. Like me with fitness. But quite often, they’re a protective mechanism. A survival tool and comfort blanket, we design and hold on to keep ourselves feeling safe and “familiar”.

Maybe that weird, sticky discomfort you’re feeling right now isn’t failure, or you not being disciplined enough. It isn’t you letting yourself or anybody else down. That weird sense of not feeling “right” is actually misalignment. Because what you’re trying to live up to is a personality that doesn’t align with your goals or future self you’re aiming to become.

So what if letting that identity go, is the most respectful thing you could do for the person you’re becoming?

I sat in on a coaching seminar held by Chris Bodman in Manchester last weekend, at an event ran by the Pt Mentor Academy. One of the things he said, really stuck with me and I had to scribble it down so I could reflect on it myself.

“Your personality is a web of concepts, beliefs, ideas, experiences, and perceptions that you use to navigate the world. Because limits are self-imposed. You’re more malleable than you realise.”

Sometimes the most self compassionate thing you can do, is allow yourself permission to loosen the vice grip you have on that old identity. Removing that limiting belief that puts you in a box. It starts with permission and being self aware enough to question-

1. Who gave me that identity? Was it something I chose or did I adopt it after someone told me I was that?

2. How does that identity help me currently?

3. If I continue to stick with this can I honestly see myself improving towards my current goals?

4. Am I thriving or simply surviving as a result of the words I use for myself?

Then once we have the answers to this, we can form a plan of action. We can continue with this identity or try speaking to ourselves in a language our future self can get more inspired and feel excited by ⚡️